I read my friend Anto's blog today about her family not being able to join her and her husband in Singapore for Christmas. This was after months of preparation and anticipation, and I was deeply affected for her. Somehow, I felt the frustration, the pain, the longing...
Searching for the answer about why I've had the cloud of despair suddenly hanging over me upon reading her news, I realized that I've been in her shoes - about eleven Christmases ago - the very first time we didn't spend Christmas with my dad's big, boisterous family in the Philippines.
Here is a poem that I wrote in college for one of my Asian American studies classes:
(NANAY is my Lola, my Dad's mother, who still lives in the Philippines.)
Nanay’s Hot Chocolate
My first Christmas in the U.S.Was cold and sad, I missed
Nanay’s special hot chocolate
She always served on Christmas Eve.
Was freezing in my uncle’s house
Up on the mountains in Pacifica
Tears streaming down my face
Longing for just one sip
Of Nanay’s warm, luscious drink.
I remember seeing you in the kitchen
Your wrinkled brown hands stirring
Untiringly, the sweet smell of cocoa
Wafting, traveling, enveloping the whole house.
You prepared it and served it with love
Its warmth embraced us all
And as we ate the Noche Buena feast,
We knew you loved us so.
Now miles and miles away from you, Nanay,
I can only imagine
The warmth, the richness, and the smell
I can only dream of being near
Your hot chocolate and your sweet love.
Audrey Rica L. Vidal, Spring 2001
It’s fascinating how something as simple as a cup of hot chocolate can be so powerful in triggering such a fond memory of Christmas. Everything that was great about Christmas and why I looked forward to it every year of my life since I was a child, was all wrapped around that warm cup of hot chocolate that everyone would get at Noche Buena at my grandparents’ house. And that year for the first time, it was gone...
So in a way, I knew what Anto might be going through, so I prayed for her... But she is always positive and hopeful through God's grace, so I know she'll get through this. And now I pray for everyone else who is away from their family this Christmas. That God may help them realize what we always hear: Jesus is the reason for the season.
It's so true... "When Jesus is all we have, we realize that Jesus is all we need."
2 comments:
Wow! Thanks for this, Aud. Your poem is perfect! I just need to change "Nanay" to "Mommy" because my memories of Christmas from my childhood till last year was also wrapped in my Mom's hot chocolate drink made of cocoa! And I miss it soooo much! That is also something I always look forward to all year round. In fact, I was supposed to ask my Mom to prepare the same drink on Christmas Eve, should they have been here.
Sigh.
Breaking from what you've been used to all your life is painful, huh? Change. Yet, we need the very same thing to grow and explore the greater things that God has for us ahead.
And that's what Milo & I are exactly doing now ... searching & seeking Him.
Teka, parang nagblog na ako sa response ko ah! Hehehe :) Thanks again, Aud! (((hugs)))
Hehehe - okay lang yan...
(Sigh) Growing pains...
(((Hugs back)))
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